Super Fighting Robot Mega Lambda
by Velvien
Summary: In the year 220X, Dr. Clover's army of evil robots holds dominion over the world. All hope rests on Kokonoe's humble housekeeping robot/slave Lambda-11, known to the world as Mega Lambda!
1. Mission Commenced

**A/N: This is pure crack, based on a roleplay parody of Mega Man and done primarily to break writer's block. Please eschew logic while reading.  
**

**Thanks are in order to BluePaladinium, Gleam, Irikarul, and SmiteJr for their contributions to this story.**

* * *

It came out of nowhere. There was no warning, no time to prepare. On January 6 of the year 220X, a robotic army descended upon the 13th Hierarchical City of Kagutsuchi. The Novus Orbis Librarium mobilized what forces it had within minutes. But there was no vanquishing the mechanical hordes; they overwhelmed the NOL, and Kagutsuchi fell. And just as soon as the army arrived, it left, only leaving a base in its wake. For a full two weeks, the world sat silent, waiting for an answer to the question on everyone's mind: what was going on?

Finally, the world got its answer. In every Hierarchical City, screens flickered on to reveal a blond man behind a theater mask, a smirk on his lips. Relius Clover cleared his throat. "People of the world. Greetings; I am Doctor Relius Clover. I assume you wish to know why I have taken Kagutsuchi as I have. The answer is quite simple. I seek to create the perfect being, and thus I require materials, workplaces...and test subjects. The Librarium has refused to supply me adequately, and thus I have taken matters into my own hands."

"I hereby claim jurisdiction over all Hierarchical Cities. Any that resist will be taken by force. My army cannot be stopped by your weak Ars Magus, as the spirits of those slain in Kagutsuchi will certainly tell you. All cities have 48 hours to submit to my will or I shall invade regardless of whether they choose to actively resist. I do hope my demands are reasonable."

"Lastly, I believe I will introduce you to my generals. My...Robot Masters, you may call them. Each one is steadfast in their loyalty to me; I have made sure that none will rebel. Ragna the Bloodedge, former SS-Class criminal with enough power to take on an army. Jin Kisaragi, a former Librarium major renowned for his efforts in single-handedly ending the Ikaruga War. Iron Tager, the Red Devil of Sector Seven. Noel Vermillion, who yielded the highest Ars Magus aptitude ever recorded. Rachel Alucard, a vampire with a strong pedigree in weather sorcery. Carl Clover, my son and one of the top vigilantes in the world. Captain Hazama of the Intelligence Department. And finally, Tsubaki Yayoi of Zero Squadron."

"Each one has had their abilities honed and made stronger. Any one of my generals could decimate whatever feeble resistance you could muster. Insurrection would be futility."

"I await your answer, world."

* * *

"...What."

Kokonoe stared flabbergasted at the screen long after it shut off. That son of a bitch, what the hell did he think he was doing?! Growling to herself, she snatched up a radio to dial for Tager... Shit. Right. Kinda one of Relius's generals now. Sure explained why the lug hadn't responded in over a week. She sighed. What the hell was she supposed to do now? No way in hell did she want to take on Relius on her own. But there was no one else to do so in her stead, with Tager gone...

After half an hour's worth of pondering, she snapped her fingers and raced into her laboratory. Once there, she smirked at a glass capsule, tall enough to house a man and drowned in some manner of green liquid. "...Eh. Should work."

For hours, she worked, a delicate and complicated process that I have no intention of describing. At the end of her toils, she smirked at the naked girl floating in the capsule. And then hit a button on its side. The green fluid drained out from the bottom of the cylinder and the girl slumped to her knees. Long blond hair fell around her as she looked up, eyes red and blank. With the press of a second button, white light enveloped the girl. When it cleared, she found herself clad in a black bodysuit with white armor on the legs, forearms and chest, a Cyclopean visor covering her eyes.

Doing everything in her power to refrain from following mad scientist stereotype and bursting into insane laughter, Kokonoe opened the capsule and grinned. "Well, now. Looking good there. Arise, Mega Lambda!"

Kokonoe expected robotic assent. What she got, however, was a stretch and a yawn as her new creation hovered up to her feet. Lambda brushed her hair out of her face and blinked the red dot in her visor at the scientist. "Geez, not so loud. You'd think I was deaf or something."

"Er…what?" Kokonoe blinked at the girl. That…was unexpected. "Wait, wait, wait, since when the hell did you have a personality?"

"Since five seconds ago." Lambda glanced about and extended an arm. At her mental beckon, a slender blade appeared before her palm and fired forward into the wall. She smirked. "Not bad. So. What kinda job you got for me? Saving the planet or something?"

"More or less, yeah. And tone down the attitude, will ya?" Shaking her head, Kokonoe led her newest creation out of the workroom. "Crazy-ass doctor and his eight 'Robot Masters' are trying to take over the world. You get to stop them. Have fun."

"As much fun as something like that could be. Well, way I see it, we take out the doctor, we win, right? Where is he?"

"Uh…good question. He never said." Scowling, Kokonoe pushed her glasses up. "Shit, so either we gotta drag it out of one of his generals, or wait for him to…"

A television screen crackled with static and flipped on to reveal the doctor in question. With an arrogant smile, Relius said, "Ah, good day, professor."

"Relius Clover, you asshole!" Kokonoe whipped around to snarl at him. Whether or not he could see or hear her, she didn't care. "The hell do you want?"

"To gloat, of course." Lambda crossed her arms and smirked. "That's what all good villains do, right? By the way…Doctor Doom wants his schtick back."

"Hmph. Nothing of the sort." Relius's smile faded as he eyed the robotic girl. "You have resurrected the 11th Prime Field Device, have you, Kokonoe?"

"You're damn right she has. Take a good look here, Clover, because I'm gonna be kicking your ass up and down the-"

"Yes, and I'm regretting it more every time she opens her mouth. Pretty impressive, seeing as she's only been alive five minutes." After throwing her creation a glare, Kokonoe turned back to Relius. "So, what do you want? To tell us where the hell your hidey-hole is? Because trust me, we'd _love_ to hear all about that."

"So you intend to fight. How foolish" After pausing for a condescending chuckle, Relius smirked again. "Still, I must applaud your tenacity. I suppose I will tell you where all of my Robot Masters are stationed."

"Ragna has taken over the monorail system in Akitsu and is siphoning raw materials to me through it. Kisaragi has taken hold of Wadatsumi; from his base in the former Ikarugan Resistance Headquarters, he is working to freeze it over should it refuse to surrender. Vermillion has returned to the military academy in Torifune and is brainwashing the students there to do my bidding. Rachel stays within the confines of her mansion, but keeps an eye for any insurrection. Tager has set up within a power plant in Yabiko. Carl remains in Kagutsuchi, where he works to produce my robot army. Hazama has taken over the Librarium headquarters at the Nemesis Horizon. And lastly, Yayoi has seized control of the weather control Ars in Naobi."

"Should you vanquish all eight of my Robot Masters, I shall reveal the location of my fortress."

"Wait, seriously?" Kokonoe cocked her head. "You know…"

"He's a villain, drama comes before logic." Lambda grinned. "Am I right, Clover?"

"Hmm…while I would not have put it as such, that is indeed my reasoning. After all, what entertainment is there for an audience should one side triumph too easily? And I do believe that is all. Good day, professor…number eleven."

"…Wow. That's kind of him. Stupid and arrogant, but kind." Lambda turned to her creator. "Alright, so, uh…where do we start? And you sure I can take a Robot Master?"

"Of course you can, it's why you were made." Kokonoe gestured for the girl to follow her as she hurried into another room. A capsule, again man-sized, waited in the corner. Right beside it, a computer screen displayed 8 faces. Those of the Robot Masters. "Alright, my computer's got a lock on the locations of each Robot Master…"

"Uh…how does it have that already?"

"Shut up and go with it, it just does! Anyways. Once you select a Robot Master, just step into the capsule and you'll teleported within a mile or two of the bastard."

"…Why not just send me straight to the Robot Master?"

"Because…there's…like…some kinda…shield or…something…gah!" Kokonoe threw her arms into the air. "Stop questioning me, dammit, I know what I'm doing!"

"Despite never having done this before?" This time, Lambda couldn't hide the light smirk on her face. "You sure it's just Clover that has a flair for the dramatic?"

"Oh, bite me. Now, if you're done snarking at me…" Kokonoe paused to stick a lollipop into her mouth. "Okay, so. You've already introduced my wall to your Lambda Buster. You can charge it up to shoot a bigger sword…"

"…Uh. How does collecting energy make a-"

"Do you want me to _uncreate_ you? Anyways. You can only shoot straight forward—no, I don't know why either—and you can do some kinda weird…slidey…thing. And finally, you have my masterpiece: the Variable Weapons System! Get a chip from a defeated Robot Master, you get their weapon. And _don't even ask_ how it works, I have no idea either." A moment to think. "Oh, right. And bring the Robot Masters back alive. I gotta figure out how the hell Dr. Clover got idiots like Ragna and Jin to work for him."

"Eh. Sure. I guess I could do that." Lambda stepped over to the computer and looked over each enemy in turn. "Hmm…so, I just pick one and go?"

"Pretty much, Lambchops."

"…Call me that again and see what happens." If Lambda had any qualms about threatening her owner, she sure was not about to let them show. "Alright, um…can you give me a rundown of what these guys are like? Might help a little."

"Sure." Kokonoe shrugged. "Ragna's a hotheaded dumbass, Jin's a psychotic dumbass, Noel's a spineless dumbass, Carl's an annoying dumbass, Tager used to be my assistant, Hazama's a jackass, Rachel's a bitch, and Tsubaki's…some other sort of dumbass."

"…Yes. That tells me a _lot_ about them. Thank you so much, oh benevolent creator."

"…I'm seriously reprogramming you when I get the chance." With a growl, Kokonoe walked over and jammed a finger against the screen. Ragna's face brightened and the capsule whirred. "There. Go kick Ragna's ass, alright?"

"Works, I guess." Lambda floated over to the capsule and entered. "Right then. Any way to contact you once I'm in Akitsu?"

"We got a radio line. Unless they're jamming—which wouldn't surprise me—I should be able to help guide you here." Kokonoe smirked. "Okay then. Location selected, teleporter online, Mega Lambda energy at 100%...and _click_!"

The professor all but pounded a button on the computer. Energy flashed within the capsule, a green ring that floated up and down around Lambda. She warped out of the laboratory as a grey beam of light.

Mission commenced.

* * *

**A/N: One note, to avoid confusion later: while all of the Robot Masters are based on bosses from the classic Mega Man series, I am taking liberties with the weapons and such. **


	2. Shady Physics

A grey beam pierced the sky of Yabiko and rained down atop a bright red monorail train. None of the panicked citizens below noticed the beacon of possible salvation, but nothing escaped the scrutiny of the local Robot Master. With a sniff, Shade Man rose from the throne built into the head of his monorail cart. Bat wings affixed to his armor's shoulder joints blew a derisive gust at the screen monitoring the intruder.

This girl would learn the price of entering _his_ domain.

* * *

The first thing Lambda noticed: wind. Lots of it. Blowing straight into her face, and allowing loose strands of hair to all but blind her. The second thing she noticed was that she stood atop a blood-red monorail train in motion. Which explained the constant gale that buffeted her. After a moment of deliberation, she turned on her radio. "Kokonoe? This is bollocks. Beam me back."

"Like hell. You just got there! Quit your bitching and move!"

"…Yeah, well, screw you, too. Dozy bint…" Grumbling to herself, Lambda took a step. And in midstep, stopped, realizing that momentum was about to simply whisk her off the train to fall hundreds of feet to her—why wasn't she being whisked away to fall hundreds of feet to her death? She decided against questioning it and put her foot back down as quickly as possible. "…Seriously. Get me outta here. Now."

"Mortal fool." A voice, low and melodramatic, sounded from a small tinny microphone mounted atop a sign declaring PLEASE DO NOT VANDALIZE THE TRAIN CARS. "I welcome you to the River Acheron, where your soul will be delivered to the king of the-"

"…This is train traffic." Lambda looked about; dozens of trains and smaller cars blasted along around her. "Not a river."

"Metaphors are clearly lost on one as dull as you. You trespass in my domain; should you somehow reach me, I shall tear your soul asunder and consume it."

"…You know, you _really _don't sound anything like Ragna. Or at least how I thought he would sound."

"Feh. Ragna. Such a boring name; I had no choice but to dispense of it. I am Shade Man, lord of shadows."

"And repetition. And imagination."

"…" Silence reigned. "You mock me? So be it. Night, fall."

At Rag…er, Shade Man's words, the entire city went dark. As in, pitch dark, as though a fog of pure blackness had descended upon it to blind all within its environs. Lambda glanced back and forth into the inky abyss, buster raised to fire at anything she may, by some miracle of science, see. And without warning, the darkness was gone. Just in time for her to see a small car race toward her and bowl her over. She tumbled end over end for several dozen feet…and off the train entirely. With a yelp, she reached out and gripped a chrome pole poking out the back of the train.

Convenient, that.

Snarling to herself as Shade Man's mocking laughter boomed, Lambda pulled herself to a platform at the train's rear and shouted into her radio, "Lab. Take me. Now. This is suicide."

"Thank you for dialing KokoCorp! Kokonoe is not in at the moment, so Lambda, quit your bitching and get your ass in gear!"

"…Fuck you." After taking a deep breath to steel herself, Lambda started climbing up a ladder back to the top of the train. As she did so, everything went black again. "…Hey, uh, can you stop doing that? Kinda annoying."

"Um…" For once, Shade Man dropped his slow, ponderous manner of speech in favor of confusion. "It's…supposed to be constant…"

At his words, the city brightened again. Lambda took the chance to climb back to the top of the cart. Just as she peeked her head over its top, three more cars barreled at her. Snarling, she swung up top and fired her weapon. A trio of swords lanced their way forward and cut down two of the flying vehicles. They crashed into the train's top and skidded along as fireballs for several feet. Lambda smirked as she took aim at the last one…

Darkness.

With a screech of shock, she fired randomly, aimlessly, just trying to pepper the space around her with spectral swords. An explosion, swallowed in its entirety by the all-encompassing night, and a prickle of heat were her only signs that she destroyed it. The light came back right afterward and Lambda sighed. "Yeah, okay, I think dying from panic is more likely than you killing me."

"Tch. Survival, the most hopeless of dreams. All are doomed to slip into oblivion, their memory lost to the maw of time. It is hopeless. All is hopeless. This world will drown in darkness by Master Relius's hand."

"Aww, how cute. Don't you sound loyal, like a good little dog?" With a derisive snort, Lambda scythed the sign with the microphone in half with a single shot. "Quit the emo crap already."

A moment later, a brand new sign popped up. And fired a laser at her for good measure. "I believe the sign specifically says not to vandalize it, little fool. Amusing…your death will be."

"I'm pretty sure anything is more amusing than you yapping." She flung herself to the side to dodge the yellow sphere. And then blinked. "Wait…I jumped. While riding atop a moving train. How did I land on it again?"

"It would seem the fates decree I end your life." A pause. "…Not that I will recall my army."

"What army? All you've sent at me are a few cars." Speaking of which, another set of three floating vehicles zoomed at her, intent on knocking her back off the train. A quick flurry of shots downed them and, after a moment to cement her nerves, Lambda started down the train.

Finally. Geez, I thought she'd never get moving.

"And you sound like a god awful video game villain." Lambda continued down the train until the very end, occasionally blasting more cars out of the way and cursing every time darkness fell. Finally she reached the end. "…Okay, Shade Ragna. What gives? You gonna come out and fight me or what?"

"Hmm…that would require too much effort for the lord of darkness. Do you see the black car in the distance?"

"No, because you made everything dark again, you arse."

"Should you reach it, I will be glad to drag you to Hades personally. But alas, a mere mortal has no hope of conquering my insurmountable level."

"…Level?"

"…Domain."

"Yeah, whatever you _gah_!" Something struck Lambda from the darkness. Once everything brightened again, a green, humanoid robot stood before her, all of four feet tall. A similarly colored shield rested on one arm, blocking any attempts she may make at shooting it. She smirked at the sniper. "Really? This the best you got, Shadey? A robot hobbit?"

No response came from the Robot Master, but the robot before her lifted its other arm to reveal an arm cannon and fired a trio of yellow pellets. Equally fast on the draw, Lambda fired a sword to shoot down the lasers. Instead, it dissolved on contact with the first and all three shots burned into her chest. "Gah! Son of a bitch! Take this!"

Her next shot dissipated harmlessly on its shield and she growled. "Okay, you know what? The hell with this. Get over here!"

She ran straight at the nuisance, who responded by jumping back. Off the train entirely. And somehow, despite falling right in front of a moving train, it did not get dashed to pieces in a collision. Rather, it simply fell to its doom. Up above, Lambda blinked. "Uh…okay. That was some amazing programming there, Shadey."

"Feh. Expendable. As are we all."

"…You really do not sound at _all _ like Ragna, you know that? And _what the bloody hell is this_?" Lambda had to wonder why she even bothered to ask, as the answer was quite clearly that another train awaited her, a five-foot jump separating the cars. Let us take a moment to admire the perfect synchronicity of the trains' conductors, allowing the cars to remain a perfect distance apart at all times. Or we can chalk it up to them being automatically controlled and not ponder ultimately useless concepts. "No, seriously. I want to know if you're going to turn on real-world physics before I try to jump anything here."

"If you refuse, we shall wait here until time consumes you and leaves you as dust. I would hope you'd find a swift death a more appealing option."

"…God, you're repetitive." With a deep sigh, Lambda steeled herself again. Here she went, a jump almost too long for her to make between two trains rocketing along at high speed. In other words, an absolute impossibility. But hey. So was shooting swords out of a gun. She started forward. Lambda took a great leap, and darkness fell. "MOTHERFUC-"

**The rest of Lambda's cursing has been censored for legal reasons.**

Her words echoed loud and long, audible to the entire city below. And continued after she landed safely on the opposite train; it seemed that physics had taken a leave of absence that day. Lambda just remained where she crouched, even long after the light returned, her heart a hammer. Another cycle of dark and light passed before she convinced herself that, yes, she still lived. Just in time for a duo of cars to careen at her. With two half-hearted shots, she downed them and trudged onward, trembling at the knees and tuning out Shade Man's shitty taunts.

This time, the Sniper Joe accosted her halfway across the train, a marked improvement in strategy. Lambda growled at it and waited for it to lower its shield. The moment it did so, accompanied by an all-too-slow attempt to pepper her with plasma, a trio of swords demolished it, just before another onslaught of darkness could blind her. A breath later, her radio buzzed in. "Hey, Lambda. How're you holding up?"

"This is still bollocks. There's trains here. Why don't you come here so I can throw you under one?"

"Yeah, figured as much. Not what I was talking about, though. How's your energy holding up?"

"…Energy?"

"Yeah. The shit that keeps you alive. Meter's on your buster."

"…Why the _hell_ didn't you tell me that before? You're _useless_ as mission control, you know that, right?" Lambda held her right arm up. And naturally, the intermittent darkness chose that moment to activate. She tapped her foot as she waited for light to return. Once it did, she observed the yellow meter on her weapon. "Um…looks like about 75%."

"Not bad, I guess. Alright, that's all I needed." The radio crackled and went silent.

"…Completely useless." Scowling, Lambda forged on ahead, eventually onto a third train. A bed of oversized spikes covered its top, a trapdoor nearby. Lambda knelt next to the nearest blade, extended a finger to prod it…

"You are so eager to cast yourself into the Stygian deeps? It beggars belief you would so willingly cast your life away…or have you seen the futility of life now?"

"No, whatever's growing in your brain isn't infectious, so there's still hope for us all." Lambda drew her finger back away from the spike. "So, these things will kill me instantly? Thanks for the warning."

Wondering if Ragna would have been that much of a dumbass, Lambda flung herself down the trapdoor. Inside waited another bed of spikes, which she mercifully did not land upon. An array of platforms floated over them. In midair. With nothing holding them up sans some clearly long-absent model of physics. Lambda blinked twice at the spectacle and turned to smack her head against the nearby wall.

As she did so, shadows flooded her environs again. However, this time, they were accompanied by several robots appearing and actually _not_ being swallowed by the darkness. However, any terror they may have produced was tempered by the fact they resembled… "Sheet ghosts? Seriously, Shadey? _Sheet ghosts_?"

"Ah, the phantoms. Once, I feared such beings. But now, the spirits of the dead are my domain, and I their sovereign."

"…You were afraid of _sheet ghosts_?" It was all Lambda could do to not burst out laughing. She took out two of the ghosts, noting with alarm that they were rather fast. The light came back and the rest of the robots vanished. "Well, I'll give you something new to fear, then. I'm gonna be your worst goddamn nightmare. But hey. At least you dropped one pathetic trait, so it's not a total loss."

Well, if she could get past this galaxy of floating platforms, at least. She raced forward and jumped to the first one with ease before taking a moment to survey the midair tiles. Several obvious paths formed from their layout, but a blue, shiny something rested on the highest platform. And shinies were always important, so Lambda worked out the best path to it. Before she could make her next jump, however, Shade Man spoke again. "By the way. This train will self-destruct in one minute. I do hope you're fast."

"…You bastard." And to make everything just plain wonderful for Lambda, the lights shut off and a swarm of ghosts appeared. Snarling, she spun and peppered as many as she could with swords. However, one got through her fire and slammed into her, almost knocking her off the platform into the spiky doom below. She cursed under her breath and finished it off. Six cycles of dark and light. That's all she had to get out of here. The room brightened, the ghosts disappeared, and after checking her energy meter (60%), she took off in a series of hurried leaps. All the while, Shade Man's continuous chuckling served merely to irritate her. "Shut up for once, will ya? Geez, you're really making this as annoying as possible."

"The intent is to ensure your demise. To cast your soul into Acheron where it will fade into oblivion. I would hope my attempts impede you."

"Acheron namedrop count: 2. Maybe if it hits 10, you can buy some originality." Not really caring if she made any sense, Lambda came to a halt just before the platform with the blue canister as darkness reigned again. Again, she could not finish off all of the ghostbots before being swarmed. As she had no room to maneuver on the small platform, two ghosts crashed into her. With a gasp, she dropped to her knee—energy at 30%-and shook her dizzy head. Almost through, though. As soon as the lights came back, she leapt to the highest platform. The shiny was a canister with a bold, black **E** on it. Shrugging, she pocketed it and kept on her way.

Just as the lights went out again, she made the final leap to the opposite end of the train, mercifully devoid of spikes. A large yellow orb and a ladder leading to the top awaited her, but first… She turned around and fired at the incoming ghosts. "Go to hell, you bastards! …Er, back to hell. Or something."

Somehow, she managed to destroy all of them before any could reach her. Probably by having space to move; always a plus. Not eager to deal with another wave, she turned and bolted straight for the ladder the moment the lights came back on. Her path took her straight through the glowing object, which vanished and surged energy into her on contact. She grunted, but paid no mind to the fact her health was now back up to 80%. She scrambled up and out of the train, but before she could get a clear view of what awaited her, the city fell under darkness again to consume more of her precious time.

When all was visible again, Lambda almost wished it wasn't. The black train Shade Man had mentioned was next…across a gaping chasm, the only means available for crossing being a nebula of cars, all moving at different speeds as though intent on making this as insanity-inducing as possible. And to add to the fun, green robots that resembled balls with a helicopter blade atop patrolled the sky. Granted, most were destroyed by the rocketing vehicles, but still. Lambda just brought her radio up. "Beam. Me. The. Hell. Out. Now."

"Thank you for dialing KokoCorp! Kokonoe is not in at the moment, so Lambda, quit your bitch-"

"That's seriously your answering…thing?! Gah…" Lambda cut off the response by slapping the radio. A pause. "It's good for her that I'm about to encounter so much stress relief."

After spotting a car flying close enough to reach, Lambda jumped at it. And shrieked as darkness descended once more. "YOU GODDAMN-"

**Lambda's curse and entire profanity-laden crossing of the chasm has been censored. Because we at KokoCorp care about the fun and nurturing of your little ones.**

With a heavy thud, Lambda landed on the dark train. "Alright, you daft gothic git, I'm here. Come out so I can kick your ass and be done with this bullshit."

"I am impressed. I did not expect you to survive that." Shade Man floated down on bat wings. White and purple armor that crested his body, the Bloodedge's signature jacket had been dyed a deep purple, and a bat-eared helmet adorned his head, although his unruly hair poked out the back. A pair of pointed fangs glistened in the sunlight. And perhaps most notably, there was no sign of the giant slab of sharp metal Ragna always carried around. "And now, I shall have the honor of reaving-"

"_How are you doing that_?"

"Uh…" Shade Man blinked at the sudden outburst as he landed. He had intended to give a polite bow, but… "Whatever do you mean?"

"Flying! Without moving! And staying in the same spot above a bloody moving monorail!" Lambda threw her hands into the air. "_Did you just give physics an off-day, or is this what this hellhole's always like_?"

"…I know not what you mean."

Lambda sputtered, trying to find words.

"This is meaningless. You have resisted your demise for too long. I will personally shear your soul from you! Inferno Divider!" Shade Man shot into the air and dived back down right away. The moment he was eye level with Lambda, he launched into a rising uppercut, coated in shadows, that caught her on the chin. Afterward, he simply flew back and forth overhead, as though surveying.

"Shit!" Lambda stumbled back, checked her energy to see that 67% remained, and retaliated with a steady stream of swords. It took a moment for her to remember one limitation of her weapon. "Oh, right. Can't shoot anywhere but forward. Because now articulated elbows are incompatible with the thing attached to the end of my forearm. PHYSICS. Bugger."

Instead, she jumped as high as she could and fired a shot at her apex. It still passed several feet below Shade Man. "God, why are you so hard to hit?"

"Comes with the privilege of flight. Shade Spike." Shade Man descended all the way to the ground and swung. The dark head of some malevolent beast rose from the ground; only the instinct to jump away as soon as Shade Man landed spared Lambda from being swallowed by it. Without waiting to see if his attack hit, or caring that his foe now peppered him with shots, Shade Man dashed forward several steps, lunged into a kick that fell a good five feet short of his target and ripped into the air with another uppercut. "Inferno Divider!"

"…Okay? You know, you could at least run far enough to land your kick." Still, that punch had come awfully close to landing. Lambda growled, trying to remember all of her abilities. Charging up her shot, which she might want to consider doing, absorbing abilities…sliding? Lambda cocked her head and, following some unknown mental guidance, dropped to her rear and launched forward several feet. As she rose back up, she blinked. "…Handy. Come and get me, Shadey!" She winced. "Also, ow, that burns."

"Very well." Shade Man paused in midair and pounced from above. Lambda smirked and slid, expecting another Inferno Divider. Instead, Shade Man crushed her against the floor with his hand, clutched her by the throat and floated back into the air. A surge of purple light clouded Lambda and drained her energy. The holes bored into Shade Man's armor healed and he chucked her against the ground. "Thanks for healing me, mortal."

"I'm gonna ram a sword up your ass. And why'd you stop? Razor break?" Wincing, Lambda checked her health. Holy shit, that attack took off 20%. Somewhat dazed from being at below half energy, she pulled herself back to her feet and watched him fly overhead some more. God, waiting for him to actually do something was its own torture. Remembering what Kokonoe had said about charging her weapon, Lambda did just that. Hell, why not, not like there was anything else going on…

With minimal warning, Shade Man dropped down to the train again; defensive instincts again moved Lambda back, and this time she unleashed the charged shot. A sword, thrice the size of her normal shots, lanced into Shade Man and buckled him. Still, he summoned the Shade Spike again. Followed by a dash, a straight kick and an Inferno Divider.

Just like the last time. Lambda cocked her head. Interesting.

She charged up her buster again and waited. In short order, Shade Man gave a roar of "Inferno Divider!"

With ease, Lambda slid under the uppercut and popped him in the back with a charged sword. As he rose back into the sky, he turned to snarl at her. Energy at 60%; getting somewhat worrisome. "Well, aren't you flighty?"

"You're one to talk, Count."

"Feh." He dropped to the ground, and the exact same trio of attacks followed that always came when he was ground-bound. One charged shot and a smattering of normal shots later, he rose back into air. And immediately came back after her. "Dodge this!"

"Kay." Lambda jumped over his attempted grab, flipped around and upside down to peg him in the back, and landed as he howled. "In case you're wondering why I'm beating your ass so bad, your pattern is Divider, ground attacks, grab, ground attacks, repeat, never change because you're a brainless git." _This_ was a Robot Master?"

"…You believe you have figured me out? Foolish mortal. My patterns are beyond what you are capable of comprehending." Oh hell, 37% remaining….

"…Uh, I just recited your pattern."

"…Feh." With a rumbling roar, Shade Man summoned an aura of darkness about him. With a manic grin, he swooped down at her, his hand a giant claw. "Darkness consume you!"

Well. _That_ was new. Lambda just blinked dumbfounded and, at the last moment, jumped out of panic. The swipe of the claw caught her and Shade Man grinned. Tendrils of shadow bore into his prey, draining her energy and transferring it to him. Once the attack was over, he dropped her to the ground, expecting her to keel over right there. And hey, if she didn't, he was healed a damn lot.

Shit. 7% remaining. Her vision foggy, Lambda rose to her feet and grimaced. By all appearances, that damn claw had had restored way the hell too much of his health. Still, she couldn't give up now. "Heh…come on, Shadey…you haven't won this yet…"

"Heh." Shade Man crossed his arms and smirked. "Then allow me to end this."

He dropped to the roof of the train. And, just as Lambda figured, the exact same trio of attacks followed, not even augmented by the purple glow. She jumped away from him and fired, but felt her balance almost give; holy hell she had ended up at the very edge of the train. She hovered forward and slid three times to bring herself back to the center of the cart.

"Inferno Divider!" Ragna bore down on her for an uppercut that would, if it connected, end her life. At the very last moment, Lambda safely slid beneath his punch and dealt another charge shot to the back. "Gah! Dammit, how…?"

"Aww, what's the matter?" Despite her mass of injuries, Lambda grinned, mocking, at him. "Shadey Man can't beat big bad mean Lambda? Aww, diddums, it's okay...not many can beat me!"

"Shut up. You're nothing but a lowly mortal; you stand no chance!" And Shade Man promptly backed that up. By dropping to the floor and delivering the exact same set of attacks as always, leaving Lambda to pepper him with shots. Seriously, you'd think he'd have _learned_ by now. "Stop moving!"

"No. I'm not losing to someone who is a slave to such a stupid pattern. Compared to how Ragna the Bloodedge normally fights…" Lambda charged her buster for what she hoped would be the last time. Super-grab, ground attacks, Divider, ground attacks…super-grab? She hoped so. "You're nothing but a shade. A waste of an acting spot and stage lighting. Very poor stage lighting, at that."

"Shut the hell up, you bitch! I'm not some stupid slave to anything! Inferno Divider!" Shade Man flew down at her, massive claw ready for the grab. "This is all useless! All shall fall into eternal darkness, either by my hand or by Maste-"

"Yeah, no." Lambda jumped backward, just out of reach of Shade Man's swipe, and placed her charged sword straight into his chest. "Like I said, slave to your programming. And of course, 'Master Relius'."

"Grk…!" Shade Man froze up, suspended in midair as his armor glowed a bright white. In a blinding explosion, it shattered and dissolved, leaving Ragna the Bloodedge lying unconscious.

As Ragna's jacket faded from purple to red, Lambda walked up to him. And stopped. Right at her feet was a purple crystal. Huh. Must be the weapons chip that Kokonoe mentioned. She took the chip, flung Ragna over her shoulders and dialed in for Kokonoe. "Hey. Prof. Got Ragna with me. _Now_ can you beam the bloody hell back? Seriously."

* * *

With a groan, Lambda fluttered her eyes open to find herself in the tank she had been created in. The glass tube slid away and Kokonoe approached her. "Hey, Lambda. How're you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck." Clutching her forehead, Lambda wobbled to her feet. Her armor was, for the time being, gone. Crimson eyes met Kokonoe's and a genuine smile came to the girl. "So…mission successful?"

"Yeah, you did it. Ragna's back to normal; cursed up a storm when he woke up, so I knocked him back out." Kokonoe chuckled a little, juggling a small purple crystal in her hand. "And hey, you even got his weapon chip. All we gotta do now is install it. Wanna go ahead and do that?"

"Heh. Sure. Might as well get it over with." After closing her eyes, Lambda concentrated. Her armor appeared in a glow of white and she nodded. "Alright. Hit me, Kokopuffs."

"…Call me that again and I'm installing a virus with the next one." After giving the girl a glare, Kokonoe flipped open some compartment on Lambda's buster and shoved the chip inside. After she closed the metal flap, it glowed white and sealed entirely. A new meter drew itself across the buster, just below her energy meter.

Words flashed across Lambda's vision. _Get equipped: Shade Spike. _She blinked as her armor flashed. White became purple. "Huh. Cool. Alright if I try this-"

The screen flicked on and Relius's smug face appeared on it. "Good day, Kokonoe. I suppose congratulations are in order; your creation did succeed in destroying one of my robot masters, even if Shade Man was the weakest."

"Heh. Good. I'd be disappointed if you had weaker Robot Masters than that dumbarse." Lambda smirked and raised her buster. "But thanks for this, anyways."

She commanded her buster to fire; what she got was a swing of her fist that summoned forth a monstrous shadowy head. That managed to extend far enough to destroy the screen and put an abrupt end to the conversation. She blinked once. "…Oops."

"Goddammit, Lambda. Watch where the hell you're aiming new weaponry! Geez…" Shaking her head, Kokonoe sighed. "Well, anyways. Not much happened while you were out, although Ragna did mention something pretty interesting. Apparently, every Robot Master is weak to one other Master's weapon. Some kinda safety system in case one of them went rogue, I guess."

"Oh, nice." Lambda grinned at her creator. "So, who's weak to Shade Spike?"

"No idea; the dumbass doesn't know. Guess we gotta do this shit through trial and error. Still…it'll probably help." Kokonoe sighed. "Oh, and Ragna says he doesn't remember anything from your fight."

Lambda shrugged. "Mind controlled. Pretty sure it affected his personality, too; doubt he's some melodramatic death-obsessed freak."

"Nah, just a foul-mouthed jackass. Interesting to know though. I want to talk to him again before I send you after the next Robot Master, so…uh…stick around a bit, yeah?"

* * *

"Well. Raggy was a nice failure. Who could've seen that coming?" A slender man in serpentine armor smirked at Relius. "But really. Programming him to just do the same pattern over and over and over? Real nice design flaw there, bossman."

Relius gave a derisive snort. "Character flaw."

"…Hm?"

"It was a character flaw in Shade Man, not a design flaw. I would not design such a pathetic creation."

"Ah, well, whatever you say. So, we gonna do anything about this, or…"

"Hmm…that weapon copy ability of Eleven's is quite intriguing." Relius's eyes flashed at Hazama. "I believe I will need to secure for myself a Murakumo Unit of my own."

* * *

_"We interrupt your regular viewing for a special report. Much destruction today as trains that were previously conducted extremely well were left unattended for over three hours, speeding along the tracks without stopping and only getting faster._

_Once the end was reached, the trains destroyed most of the station they pulled into. Luckily, no one was seriously injured. When asked for comment, a passenger had this to say." "THE BLONDE BITCH COULD HAVE AT LEAST DEACTIVATED THE DAMN TRAIN BEFORE SHE TELEPORTED AWAY! GODDAMN WHO LEAVES A TRAIN CONDUCTORLESS? STUPID WHO-"_

_"More at 11."_


	3. Monster Magnet

Ragna groaned as he sat up and clutched his head. What the hell had happened…? Oh right. He'd already been through this: captured by Relius, ass kicked by Kokonoe's newest slave, and then knocked out by the cat bitch when he'd sworn one too many times. Fun. Scowling, he rose from the bed. And came face to face with some chick with a red-eyed visor. "Gah! The hell'd you come from?"

"Been here. Waiting for Kokonoe to get her report back, then she wants to talk to you." Lambda hovered away from him. "And if this is how you normally talk, I almost prefer Count Emo."

"And that means what exactly?" Ragna snarled and raised a fist. "And…uh, 'Count Emo'?"

"Oh man, you don't remember anything?" Lambda cackled and slumped against a wall, arms crossed. "Here, let me remember some of your best quotes… 'All are doomed to slip into oblivion, their memory lost to the maw of time. It is hopeless. All is hopeless. This world will drown in darkness by Master Relius's hand'. Yeah, that should about sum up what kind of bitch Relius's mind control…whatever turned you into."

Ragna stared, aghast, at the Murakumo, unable to formulate any words. With a derisive chuckle, Lambda wandered away. "But again, being cursed at right away isn't really fun either."

"Like you're one to talk." The door slid open and Kokonoe stepped in, scowling. "Now stop pestering Ragna. Shit looks bad enough for him as it is without your bitchiness."

"Wait, what?" Ragna shook his head; this was hardly the most welcome awakening possible. "What the hell's wrong now?"

"Your Azure Grimoire's screwed. Go on, try to use it."

"…_What_." Ragna's raised fist clenched harder as he tried to draw the dark mists of the Azure from it. Nothing. With a growl, he snapped his eyes up to meet Kokonoe's. "Okay, what the hell is this shit?"

"Iunno."

"God damn it, you could at least try to be useful! Do you want me to kick your ass?"

Lambda snorted. "Good luck getting anything out of her. Seriously, I call for help and I get the answering machine."

"I was doing shit! And you weren't calling for help, you were calling to whine!" Grumbling, Kokonoe shook her head. "Okay, fine, if I had to guess, I figure Relius managed to disable your precious little grimoire just in case you snapped your mind control. Happy?"

"Fuck no."

"Well, too bad, you got your answer." With a sigh, Kokonoe turned a slightly less annoyed stare his way, not that such a thing was an accomplishment. "By the way, if you're gonna freeload, you're gonna have to be useful. You…cook, right?"

"Huh?" Ragna cocked his head, eyes narrow. What the hell was she going for now? "Yeah. Why?"

"Awesome. I think I'm gonna turn you into a housekeeping robot."

"_What_?!"

A wide, evil grin broke out on Kokonoe's face. "Yes, I think that'll work. Give you a cute little dress and a vacuum at the end of your arm. How does Roll sound for a name?" After a moment, she sighed. "Okay, but seriously. Might have to reconvert you into Shade Man. Just…you know…without the mind control bit. That okay?"

Ragna scowled, murder written in his eyes. "You say that like I'm gonna let you do _anything_ to me."

"Yeah, figured as much. Night." Kokonoe pulled out a cylindrical device, pointed it in Ragna's direction and pressed a button on it. A cloud of gas sprayed out; Ragna had just enough time to blink before he keeled over asleep.

Simply leaving him to drool on the metal floor, Kokonoe gestured for Lambda to follow her as she headed back out of the chamber. "Anyways. I was just checking on the reports from the other cities under the Robot Masters' rule. Only thing to report is that all of Naobi's blacked out; not sure what the hell Yayoi is doing there."

"Nothing good, obviously. So, who should I go after next? I mean…the midget Clover's building a robot army for daddy, and Jin's trying to freeze the shit out of Wadatsumi. So, uh, one of those two?"

"Nah. We're _in_ Wadatsumi, you dolt, so we'd notice if Jin was having any success. And rather than send you into a factory probably crawling with hostile robots, I say we hit their power source." They reached the computer screen displaying the eight Robot Masters; Ragna's square was replaced by static. She jabbed a finger against the map in the middle of the portraits. "Go to Yabiko and deal with Tager, alright?"

"Right. Power plant. Got it."

"Yep. And I want my assistant back." Kokonoe rolled her eyes. "And I swear to God, if Relius did _anything_ to neuter his strength when not a Robot Master…"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lambda stepped into the capsule." "Just beam me over there already."

"Tch. Aren't you eager?" Kokonoe stepped over to the nearby console and pressed a series of keys. "Well then, no whining. At all."

"Bite me, you-" The rest of Lambda's response was cut off as she disappeared in a bolt of grey light.

* * *

"…God dammit, did she really cut that off? It was such an awesome burn…" With a sigh, Lambda glanced around the power plant. Her optics nearly overloaded at the sheer amount of light glowing in the hallway. Lights on the wall, lights on the ceiling, even blinking green dots lining the floor…gah! "Yeah, okay, you definitely redesigned this place. Pretty sure humans would go blind working here. But hey, sucks to be you; I'm somewhat more than human."

No answer; Lambda shrugged. "Huh. Guess he hasn't noticed me yet. Oh well."

She hovered her way through the hallway, eyes trained for any traps or enemy. Nothing accosted her, and at the end she came across a tall metal shutter. It slid open as she approached; her 'eye' narrowed. On the other side waited the core of the power plant, a wide-open chamber with a massive cylindrical generator at the center, electricity flailing around it. At each cardinal direction waited a metal shutter, including the one she had just come through. And platforms. Lots and lots of platforms. Goddammit. With a reluctant sigh, Lambda dragged herself to the end of the ledge she hovered over. And growled when she looked down. It was nothing too bad, just a few hundred electrified spikes waiting to skewer her should she miss a jump. "…Wondrous."

"Huh?" A deep voice boomed in confusion from somewhere. A heavy laugh, rife with arrogance and perhaps a touch mad, followed. "An assassin! Ha! I am the insane mad scientist, Magnet Man! Welcome…to my laboratory! You will make an excellent test subject!"

"Glad to see you too, Tager. So far, you're much more tolerable than Emo Man. Hope you're not as weak as that bastard." Lambda placed a hand on her hip. "…I still hate you for this bullshit, though."

"As you would; none can appreciate my genius! The magnet lifts, the magnetic ceiling…all creations of mine!"

"Im_press_ive. Except not. Magnets have existed for how damn long now?"

"Magnets were initially detailed over 2700 years ago."

"…Sarcasm. Do you comprehend it?" Shaking her head, Lambda made the jump to the first platform. It wobbled under her weight—which should have been impossible considering that she hovers but whatever—and sent a streak of panic through her for a moment. It stabilized in short order and she growled. "Wondrous. Magnetically suspended, I'll take it?"

"Of course."

"…How the _hell_ do you get around this place, tubby?"

"The power of science, of course."

"…" Sighing, Lambda decided it best to ignore Magnet Man's presence the best she could. She made two more jumps, each coming with the same tremulous wobble that threatened to cast her to the spiny death waiting below. "Well, this is certainly terrifying, but a hell of a lot better than using moving vehicles as platforms. So I guess I should…oh god damn it."

A swarm of floating robots released from a vent in the far wall. Each was simply a helicopter blade carrying a large magnet. Oh, and they had large, cartoonish eyes. Lambda cocked her head, trying to work out _that_ particular aesthetic decision. Still, she smirked. "Alright. Let's see what you guys can do."

She watched them, waiting for them to dive-bomb her. Any second now… But an attack never came. Instead, they just flew right overhead. "Um…"

And for no immediately obvious reason, she lifted off the ground and start traveling backwards in midair. Magic! "Hey, what the...!"

She looked up to see one of the Mag Flies straight overhead, exerting a magnetic pull on her. "Oi, let me down! Now! Gah, why the hell can't I shoot anywhere but forward?"

In a moment of panic, Lambda looked down, a reminder that the spikey death trap had gone nowhere. Oh hell, if this thing dropped her… The sweet salvation of the entry platform came into view. And to add to the sudden blessing, the robot's magnetic pull ceased and she dropped to solid ground. Still… "…This is gonna be so bloody annoying."

"As intended! A psychological experiment to see how much frustration and fear one can take before they shatter!" Magnet Man paused and cackled, like any good mad scientist should. "As soon as you reach the third platform, another swarm will release. And as for the first group…"

Lambda turned to look behind her, buster ready in spite of its uselessness against these things. Another vent opened up, revealing several spinning fan blades. The Mag Flies exploded against them and Lambda slapped her forehead. "Brilliant waste of your resources, genius."

"Waste? Ha! You underestimate a man of science! My brilliance has led to an ingenious method of recycling scrapped robots, processing them into stronger creations! Every time you let Mag Flies go by, the robots further in my lair grow stronger!" More cackling, nothing surprising there.

"Great. So, I could never get past this part with just my Lambda Buster." Lambda shifted color to the violet of Shade Man's jacket. "Hmm… not gonna work from the ground. And I don't know if this will even work in the air. I mean, it's a head of shadow coming straight from the ground, but…"

Trailing off, Lambda started back across the levitating platforms, cursing their wobbling. At the third platform, the Mag Flies emerged from the vent again. Face vacant, Lambda watched them approach. Once the foremost one was only feet away, she leapt and fired the Shade Spike. However, instead of shooting anything, the weapon pulled her straight up, blades of darkness radiating from her forced uppercut. The attack took out the three foremost robots and allowed the rest to travel harmlessly beneath her. And luckily, the attack did not send her forward at all. When she landed, she collapsed straight to her knees, shuddering. "Holy…thought I was dead…never again…"

"Hmm…interesting. Perhaps for the redesign, I will put the trigger on the platform, rather than between platforms…" The scratch of writing followed.

"…Tch. So this whole thing is just an experiment to you? Sounds like something Kokopuffs would do." Shaking her head, Lambda started across the rest of the platforms. No more annoying robots came after her and she made her way to the other side in safety. After she passed through the metal gate, a hallway similar to the one she had started in greeted her. "…So. How many traps do you have set here, Magneto?"

"None. I need to travel these hallways safely, after all."

"…Huh. And here I thought a mad scientist wouldn't care about these things." As Magnet Man's words promised, nothing accosted Lambda in the hallway. She passed through another metal gate into the next room. Upon entering, she blinked and cocked her head. "…Okay, mister insane mad scientist. _What_."

"Ah, my magnetic rails. One method of mine to traverse my laboratory!" Sure enough, a set of three narrow rails waited before her, long enough to stretch out of sight. "Not fully fit for Relius's use, however. The last humans who tried to ride them ended up as smears on them."

"Huh? Why would they…?" Lambda froze up. When she spoke again, rage tainted her voice. "You're using people as guinea pigs."

"Indeed! A necessity to science, after all. Only resistors from the city partake in the experiments." Again, Magnet Man's insane cackle sounded. "Unfortunately, the active numbers are dwindling. Perhaps I should introduce a mole to act as a firebrand and stir them up further…"

"…You twisted _bastard_." Lambda stared at the rails before her. "…So, how do these kill, hm?"

"Oh, don't you sound interested?" And for that matter, so did Magnet Man. "As stated, these are magnetic rails. They lock onto the iron in blood to keep their passengers from falling off. An opposite magnet force then pulls on them from up ahead. The force moves back along the rail, pulling its passenger along at whatever speed I choose. Genius, isn't it?"

"Oh, sure, whatever. How fast is this going to drag my arse?"

"You will travel 10 miles in 3 minutes."

"With my feet on a metal rail. Well, I see how _this_ kills people." Lambda stared at the contraption a moment longer before sighing. "I must be crazy."

And so, she jumped atop the center rail. Before she had any time to brace herself, she shot forward with a shrill cry. "Geez, you could've warned me before starting it!"

"It starts automatically."

"…Well, then you could've told me th- _what the hell_?" Lambda couldn't be entirely sure due to the absurd speed the rail moved her along at, but it looked very much like her rail just simply came to an end, while the other two continued along as normal. No time to think about it, though. She just jumped to the side and landed on the left rail, watching as a drop that surely would've killed her passed her by. "You insane piece of- _what._"

A row of spikes descended from the ceiling above both remaining rails, low enough to gouge through her head as she was. And hell, even if she just crouched, they'd probably get her. A voice from nowhere, high and scratchy, sounded. "Slide! Slide!"

"No shit." Instincts took over and she slid, clearing beneath the deathtrap. As she came back to her feet, she snarled. "_How do you expect humans to survive when you drag them at stupid speeds and then turn the whole thing into one long deathtrap_?"

"…Well, it wouldn't be interesting otherwise."

…Why was she attempting to logic with a self-proclaimed mad scientist? Shaking her head, Lambda snarled as another gap came up on her rail. This time, though, it was just that; a short gap. She jumped, trying to tune out the same voice crying for her to do so, and cleared it easily, the magnetic pull keeping her from potentially spilling off to the side.

Convenient, that.

Next to her, a new middle rail rose up, so she jumped to it. "This is the dumbest thing I've ever done, and I'm going to enjoy every moment I spend kicking your ass for this."

"…You just can't appreciate my genius."

"Not a science major, sorry. And I prefer Ars Magus anyways."

Two minutes of pure agitation later, the end of the magnetic rail yielded a small platform with a lever. The sign over it, red with black letters, read 'POWR'. Lambda snorted and grabbed the handle. "Nice spelling."

"Spelling is unnecessary, so long as it's readable."

"Tch. Whatever." Without concern for what exactly the lever might do—always the sign of brilliance—Lambda yanked it. In the distance, mechanical whirring sounded. The area below brightened to reveal a long set of machinery, an artifact of 200 years prior. "What's that?"

"Um...something about colliding things and making black holes or something. I've been meaning to fix it up and conduct experiments with it."

"…Don't you sound sciency? Anyways…" Lambda blinked. "…I'm going to have to cross the rails again. Bugger."

* * *

Back in the central chamber, Lambda blinked. "Great. I made this room as blinding as the entry. Such an achievement."

"That is not all! Behold, the ceiling!" At Magnet Man's prompt, Lambda looked straight up. Blue panels glowed on the surface above. "My greatest creation, the magnet ceiling!"

"Right, your pride and joy. How's it work?"

"See for yourself!"

At Magnet Man's words, the cylindrical generator at the room's core whirred. The glowing tiles brightened, and Lambda found herself rising up to them. "Wait, hey! I didn't sign up for this!"

"Meh."

The ceiling finished dragging Lambda up. She snarled, but didn't dare make any further movement. "Okay, so you have me pinned to the ceiling. Wonderful. What now, asshole?"

"Oh, by no means are you trapped. After all, was this not designed for transit?"

"…It was? And here I thought it was a torture device." After taking a deep breath, Lambda dared to try and stand. She took to her feet without issue, not even dizziness or being blinded by her hair from standing upside down; in fact, it seemed the magnets pulled the latter to them as well. Still… "Yeah, this isn't disorienting in the least. Perfectly acceptable for public travel."

"I never specified it being _safe_ for public transport."

"Which is what you'll pitch it as, right? Annoying psycho scientists…" With a huff, Lambda started forward, despite her disorientation. And came to a halt a few feet later when the tiles ended. "So, if I step off the tiles, I fall, right?"

"Find out for yourself."

"…Arse. Well, whatever." Lambda took a few steps back and ran forward. As she reached the tile's end, she jumped. And plummeted, straight at the maw of deadly spikes waiting for her below. "Shit shit shit shit shit!"

She passed underneath the next set of magnetic tiles on the ceiling, and her fall immediately reversed itself. She slammed into the ceiling with enough force to shatter a normal man's arm. Shaking her head, she crawled forward a few feet before standing. "Earth to mad scientist. Relius is a human. These transportation things you're making for your precious master would kill him."

"Nonsense! There is not a thing on this earth that can harm Master Relius!"

"Yeah, because he's a god, right?" Shaking her head—holy shit was that dizzying—Lambda continued on her way. And swore when she came to another jump. "I hate you, you know. I think this might actually be worse than what Shade Ragna put me through."

No response, so she sighed and jumped. Once again, she found herself falling toward the spikes, only to come flying back up as she passed under the next strip of the magnetic ceiling. However, this time something interrupted her, dragging her along at a set elevation. She glared straight up. A Mag Fly had managed to catch her, and now dragged her all the way back to the ledge where she had first came in. Rage built up inside her and she opened her mouth to spew it everywhere as she was dumped on the platform.

* * *

"My, quite the language there. Did you practice that speech?"

"Bite me, asshat." Lambda sighed in relief as she reached the end of the magnetic strip and dropped to one of the two doors she had not been through yet. One more blinding hall later, she came to another chamber. As with the center room, a myriad of lethal spikes jutted from the floor, with only the platform she stood on marking safety. However, a number of tall rods poked up as well, in alternating red and blue. Lambda crossed her arms and sighed. "Alright, chubby. What's the game here? Because everything about both yours and Lame Man's realms say this one gigantic game."

"Actually, it's only 8 bits."

"…What?"

"Never mind. Before your time. Well, before my time, too, but that's neither here nor there." Magnet Man paused to clear his throat. "Behold! The magnet rods! Another attempt at faster transportation! And…"

Something beeped and a swarm of Mag Flies entered. However, this group carried face-mounted plasma cannons in addition to their magnets. "Be glad they merely carry cannons; had you allowed more groups of Mag Flies through the first room, even a group as small as this may have proven impossible to defeat."

"Yeah, I think you underestimate me, Maggy. So how do these 'magnet rods' work? And nice to see such willingness to deviate from a theme."

"Quite simply. You move from positive rods to negative rods."

"Sounds too easy. How do I that?"

"_You_ don't. The rod atomizes you and sends-"

"HELL no. I'm out." Lambda turned around and went back through the doorway she had just passed. "And screw you, by the way."

"But…but…" Sniffle.

"Aww, stop whining that I'm not gonna play with your toys. I _like_ having all my atoms together, thank you very much." Lambda stepped back out into the entry and passed under the magnet ceiling to get a better view of the area. One door remained unexplored; in all likelihood, Magnet Man waited behind it. Unfortunately… "Great. I was supposed to go through that room to turn on the next part of the magnet ceiling so I could get to you, wasn't I?"

"Correct! Now, return! And experience my genius!"

"Yeah, I'll pass. Doubt you were expecting anyone like me." Lambda eyed the area more intently. Only a small patch of the ceiling remained unlit, sandwiched by her location and a few tiles that were operant. Normally, such a gap would be impassable, too far to jump. However… Lambda took a deep breath, knowing if this failed, she would be very dead. She started forward and dropped into a slide. At the last moment, she bounded off the ceiling, keeping the slide's momentum. As figured, she dropped fast. She gritted her teeth as spiky death zoomed closer by the millisecond…

The small patch of magnetism caught Lambda just before her face could be skewered and whipped her up against it. "Ow."

"_WHAT_? How could you bypass my glorious design so easily?" A mammoth foot stomping the ground sounded and the entire building shook. "That's cheating!"

"Bawww. Keep crying; it'll save you the effort of starting again after I kick your ass." Shaking her head—she had not expected a tantrum—Lambda left the magnet ceiling and thumped to the floor below. After shaking her head to clear her daze, she stepped through the shutter. The metal gate slammed shut behind Lambda, sealing her in the darkened room. Two dots of light blinked at her, so she waved. "Hey, not-Tager. Mind turning on the lights?"

"Hmm…very well." The lights came on and revealed Magnet Man, arms crossed. The transformation from crimson mechanical giant to Robot Master dealt very little aesthetic redesign. His massive iron gauntlets had been shed in favor of two magnets strapped to the backs of his hands, and a ridiculous little U-magnet rested affixed to his forehead, serving no point beyond decorum. He had a theme to stick to, after all. The beast lumbered into motion, jabbing a finger Lambda's way. "So! You have arrived! Welcome to the core of the world's future, the breeding ground for the technology that shall usurp Ars Magus, the Future Gadget Lab! I am your host and experimenter, the insane m-"

"Insane mad scientist, yeah, yeah, I got it already. Repetitive git. Stop watching so much TV." Lambda rolled her eye and leaned back against the wall. "Sorry to disappoint, prof, but I already had the tour, and frankly? I'm not too interested in the demonstration. So why don't you just kindly self-terminate so I can be done here?"

"I'm afraid we cannot skip the demonstration. You've not shown proper appreciation for my genius." Magnet Man's glasses flashed and the magnets on his arms sparked with electricity. "Therefore, allow me to show you the full fury of the power of science! But first…"

He pulled out a clipboard from nowhere, a stack of papers in its vise. "I must ask that you fill out all relevant information, please. Proper procedure; I need to keep track of each experimentee's results and such, after all."

Lambda held a deadpan glare for three whole seconds before sighing. "Fine."

She took the clipboard and sat down on the floor, noting ruddy stain right beside her. Five minutes later, she stood up and handed the clipboard back to Magnet Man. "There. Answered everything I could. Which was about a quarter of it; only been alive a few hours, so I kinda don't have things like medical records."

"…O_ho_, quite the last name there, Miss Lambda. You sure love these petty threats of yours." After putting the clipboard…somewhere, Tager fired up his magnets once more. "And now…"

"Hold up." Lambda's red dot of an eye was but a dash on her visor. She glanced at the red splotch at her feet. "How many people have you experimented on here?"

"Hm…" Magnet Man rubbed his chin. "You are the fifth to partake in this particular experiment. 17 before you attempted the magnet rods, which you so callously abandoned, you heartless…person. 113 before you attempted the magnet rails. Countless numbers were used to perfect the Mag Flies and the magnetic ceiling."

"And lemme guess; they all died, right? That many in about two weeks." Lambda's buster arm came up. "Damn shame it's taken this long for someone to kick your ass."

A trio of swords sliced out of her arm cannon. And proceeded to simply bounce of Magnet Man's skin. Lambda blinked. "Oh. Um. Well now."

"Disappointing. It would seem I remain unable to test my armaments on a serious threat. Oh well." Magnet Man raised a palm, pulsing with yellow light. "Magnet Bolt!"

With one final pulse, a sphere of magnetic energy raced at Lambda. Snarling, she jumped to the side, only for the bolt to make a 90 degree turn and smack her in the ribs. It exploded and sent her careening into the wall. "Ack…"

Before Lambda could pull herself back up, a force dragged her along the ground. She glared up at Magnet Man, who held a palm her way. A wide sphere of magnetic energy surrounded the brute, pulling Lambda in. She snarled; it didn't even require common sense to know better than to get caught by him. After hopping back to her feet, Lambda hovered in the opposite direction of the pull. However, the magnetism proved stronger than her velocity and continued to draw her closer to Magnet Man. In desperation, she jumped, hoping to clear his grab.

"Magnet Collider!" Magnet Man snatched Lambda out of the air and spun around to slam her to the floor. The force of the impact was enough to bounce her into the air. She came down on her feet, but immediately staggered off to the side in a daze. Magnet Man sighed and stomped towards her. "Miss Lambda, please cooperate. Think of the valuable data you're withholding! You want to provide good results, correct?"

"Seeing as I think this 'experiment' is pretty much bollocks, no, not really." Clutching her head, Lambda glared up at him, buster charging. She didn't look at her energy meter; the fear of seeing how much damage _that_ attack did was more than enough to dissuade her. "I'm still gonna kick your ass, though."

She fired her stored blast, an enormous blade that succeeded in cleaving through Magnet Man's defenses. He grunted and fired another blast of electricity. Mind blanked by panic, Lambda attempted to vault the bolt on instinct. As before, it turned at a sharp angle and struck her anyways. "Gah! How the hell am I supposed to dodge that?!"

"You don't! In my infinite genius, I concocted an attack that is impossible to avoid!" Magnet Man crossed his arms, electricity sparking between them. "Prepare for your end, at the hands of the avatar of SCIENCE! Flying Battery!"

He launched forward at an angle through the air. As he passed over Lambda, he slashed with both of his arms, sending a wave of energy down at her and dropping like an anvil to her location. However, as soon as he went airborne, Lambda slid off to the side and both parts of the attack missed. Shuddering at the prospect of getting hit by that—quite fast for a fatass—Lambda switched weapons. Purple now dominating her armor, she turned and sneered. "Nice try. Eat Shade Spike."

She dashed in and launched the rising shadow head. Magnet Man blinked as it enveloped him and did almost nothing. "Um…wait. That's Shade Man's attack…"

"Yep. Although it didn't seem to do shit to you." Still, Lambda smirked at him. "Variable weapons system. Every time I kick a Robot Master's ass, I get a Robot Master's weapon. Fun, ain't it? And hey, a _lot_ more impressive than these stupid magnet things of yours."

"Impossible! None can outshine my brilliance, save Master Relius!" Magnet Man's eyebrows creased, which would have been intimidating had the forehead magnet not been cast in sharper relief. "I will have this technology, and I will better it! Come here!"

He crouched down and summoned up his blue sphere of magnetism again. With a grunt, Lambda turned and tried to race away from it. Once again, however, her speed was not fast enough to pull her away from him. And then it hit her. "Oh, right. I have a slide. A fast one."

And so, she used the slide. Repeatedly, while switching back to her standard buster and charging. Each one took her further from Magnet Man's deadly grip until she broke free of it entirely. Smirking, she turned around and blasted him with a giant blade. The shot knocked him back from the force. "Hah. Well, that's two attacks dealt with. Got anything else?"

"Have you forgotten already?" Magnet Man extended a hand and a bolt fired out. This time, however, Lambda was more than ready. She again dropped into a slide and this time, when the bolt turned, her speed was enough for it to crash behind her, harmless. Magnet Man stared in utter shock for a moment. "…_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT_?"

"Ow. Indoor voice, please." Lambda delivered another giant sword to his chin and grinned. "You're kinda allergic to the slide, aren't you?"

"I…I am suffering no allergic reaction…"

"Shut up, you know what I mean." Lambda grinned. "And this fight's all but over. You're way too easy to dodge, you know that?"

"Silence! I'm not done yet! You can't outwit a genius, you fool!" Magnet Man shot forward, hand outstretched. "Genesic…!"

"Nope." Lambda bounded over his charge, bounced off his shoulder, and wheeled around to fire another charged shot. And groaned as it sailed over his head. "Dammit, why do I keep forgetting I can't actually aim?"

Still, even with that oversight, the battle was as good as over. A minute later, one final giant sword ran through Magnet Man's chest, all additional armor glowing white. With a groan, he sunk to his knees. "D-dammit…I'm a genius…how could…"

"Just an FYI. 'Genius' and 'insane mad' don't gel overly well." Lambda stalked forward and delivered a kick to his chin. "And I think I just showed you the _true_ power of science."

With a final cry of his master's name, Magnet Man collapsed and his armor shattered. A rust red crystal bounced to Lambda's feet, and she bent down to collect it. She flipped her radio on. "Hey, Kokonoe."

"Thank you for dialing KokoCorp!"

"I'm calling because I'm finished here, not because I need to bitch, goddammit!"

* * *

Moaning, Lambda awakened once more in her tank and stumbled out with zombie gait. Wasn't sleep supposed to be relaxing, as opposed to draining? Oh, and it was cold as hell. Kokonoe could really do with buying a heater. Well, whatever. With a shake of her head, Lambda glanced around. No one in sight. Might as well try to equip her newest weapon on her own then. Recalling how Kokonoe had done it, she flipped open a panel on her buster. And frowned; only space for one crystal? Shaking her head, she closed and felt around. "Oh, hey, another one. Awesome."

After she set the crystal inside it, words flashed over her visor. _Get equipped: Magnet Driver_. "…Wait, what's that? He didn't use anything called that…"

"Oh, you're awake. About time." Kokonoe stepped into the room, wrapped in a thick jacket and eyeballing some papers on a clipboard. "Good job with Tager; with him around, I can probably whip up more crap for you faster. And what weapon did you get?"

"First off, sounds awesome. Second, something called 'Magnet Driver'. And finally…" Lambda scowled as a vicious shudder ripped through her body. "…'KokoCorp'?"

"Yeah. Can't exactly put 'Sector Seven' on the business cards, right? And trust me, you're gonna love that weapon."

"Fair enough. You convert Ragna into a maid yet? I could use a laugh."

"Nah, not gonna do that after all. I'll wait 'til I find a better candidate. Still got plans for him though." Kokonoe's eyes snapped up. "Oh, and I hope you're ready to go already. Kinda urgent."

"Huh? What's going…?" Lambda froze up. For it to be _this_ cold… "Jin's freezing the city."

"Jin's freezing the city. Go kick his ass."

* * *

_"We interrupt your regular viewing for a special report. Mass power outage in Ikaruga as the primary power plant in Yabiko was utterly sabotaged earlier today. Eyewitness reports indicate that the culprit was none other than the same woman who caused the train crashes in Akitsu earlier. How she could travel between cities in such little time is presently unknown; however the remnants of the Novus Orbis Librarium are mobilizing forces to ensure her arrest._

_When asked for further comment, the witness had this to say." "That blonde bitch is a threat to society! A menace! Forget Relius Clover, who the hell shuts down power for an entire damn nation? Stupid godda-"_

"_More at 11."_


End file.
